About two weeks ago, I got to work with the "great" Roberto Blasini (DP of Gamers) and the "normal" Kevin Sherwood (lead actor, and boom operator in Gamers) on a video shoot in Chicago for a video game documentary.
We had to drive about an hour and a half drive from the airport to a suburb and I brought a copy of Gamers in case I ran into either Siskel, Ebert, or Roper.
(Still offensive after all these years)
If I met Siskel (Whose dead), then for sure I knew he could get us a "sweet distribution deal", because, nobody where he's at has seen the movie, and they might use it for "Training Purposes" to help save people's souls or after years of living with "God " and being "beyond joyous", they might want to sneak in a dirty film and a cigarette.
Yes, this is how my mind thinks.
(Man it's like watching the same magic trick every day)
Serious? How boring is heaven? I remember the nun who in Catholic School told us that "You don't need your family in heaven, because, you'll receive God's love 24/7 and that you'll be in a state of complete happiness."
Now, at the age of eight, my reference of "complete happiness" was being the red batter in my Intellivision Major League Baseball game and perhaps drinking a cold Pepsi with some Lampost Pizza (Still, not a bad idea of what heaven should be)
(Oh, how I love thee)
I digress, back to the story, now if I ran into Ebert (Not dead) I'd tell him to watch "Gamers" because, it would "cure" his cancer...I know that's horrible to say, but, what if the treatment kicked in really good that day while he was watching the movie, I'd be fucking in! Every week, that son-of-a-bitch would end his show with like three thumbs up of "Gamers"
Sure, the guilt of only selling the movie to cancer patience would get to me, but, I'd only do it until the bank loan was paid off, then I'd like donate half the money to cancer research and the other half to making women even hotter! That's right Girls gone hotter! That's the Folino touch...all those woman I shot in those spots recently were sheman before I got ahold of them.
And for some reason I want to punch Roper (Should be dead) with a copy of Gamers, I don't like him one bit...I think he killed Siskel the same way that Russian spy died recently, that's the rumor I'm starting. "The sucks all on you Roper!" Enjoying the show without Ebert? You talentless fuck? The show should be renamed "Siskel, Ebert and who really fucking cares about that other guy!"
Now, of course, as luck would have it, I ran into nobody...except 20 degrees below weather with some damn wind chill.
Fuck, how do you people do it? Serious, it got me to wonder, now if you eat ice cream in really cold weather and if you get a brain freeze do you die? Serious, your body has got to be like "Bitch, why am I in the cold? And what the hell do you think your doing eating ice cream...No, No, Shanaynay! Suck on this brain aneurysm!
That's how my brain thinks.
He call me "Shanaynay", we are "tight" like that.
(By the way, the name Shanaynay is funny, however, the name Martin Lawrence is not)
Now, the "great" Roberto Blasini and the "not so great, but still attractive" Kevin Sherwood and I listened to both commentary tracks for Gamers on the drive up and the drive back.
Now, it's been a year, since I've watched the movie, the last time I was drunk at the Comedy club that Dave Hanson use to work at. Before, he became "Mr. Wendys".
I can't bring myself to watch the film again, but, then again I'm not one for "repeat viewings" of anything. Not even my favorite midget porn...I have "new videos" bused in every night. (The short bus of course)
But, it did leave me with a desire to do another commentary for a movie.
However, not my own movie.
I figure, I'll just throw my services out there to any film that wants me to bring "THE MAGIC" to their commentary.
I know the new Batman movie is coming out and I'm offering my skills to Christopher Nolan. I will sit in and make a few funny remarks to liven things up a bit, keep it from being "too dark."
I will also bring Fernando Velloso, who did the best commentary in Gamers.
So, there, it's out there.
Update on things
William Katt is starting a new comic book company called Catastrophic Comics in early to mid 2008, I'm co-writing a comic book with him called "Mythology Wars" and he's been kind enough to publish another story I wrote called "Sparks."
It's a six issue comic book, 24 pages each, it's being drawn by JM Ringuet. Two complete comic books have been done. And I can tell you right now, for my services, because, I am "Expensive", I negoiated the rights to advertise "Gamers" in both books.
I am a whore like that...that's how my "whore heart" thinks.
And when you read the stories, I plug the movie in as much as I can in the background. And my children, God, I think all my kids are named after the main characters, and man my wife is going to be pissed when I kill one of them off in the book. I can't wait for that therapy bill when the kid's grow up and ask "Dad, you didn't love me as much as my brother and sister, you killed me off in the comic book first! Why dad?"
That's how I roll -Pre-medidated "Worse Father of the century!"