|
|
Monday, October 30
The "Most Negative Blog" for Gamers the Movie
by
Christopher Folino
on Mon 30 Oct 2006 12:21 AM PST
"Most disturbing" fan mail ever
Here is a small snippet from an email from prisoner 213591in Bastrop, Texas Federal Correctional Institution
"We watched ur movie 13 times, send me photos of Reese handaleng the quecumber, now soon"
-Prisoner 213591
I did send him high-res shots of the Reese smelling the Cucumber and I also sent a free "Jerky Bitch" T-Shirt
I have a feeling it will admired on a daily, afternoon, and nightly basis.
"Most hated movie review" of "Gamers" found
Author:Brianna Covington -Source IMDB Gamers 2006
"I sat through this at GenCon only because it was quiet and I could nap. What a waste of time. Beverly D'Angelo and William Katt? WTF? Were the lady who played Flo and Abe Vigoda busy or something?
Truly, a piece of unfunny garbage. The characters were stereotypical without meaning to (I think...) and wooden, most of them seemed like they were on autopilot. The so-called "hilarious" situations described in some of the other so-called reviews were so hackneyed, I weeped for the writers.
I'm confused as to how anyone can find this worth their time, seriously. I'm only giving it 3 out of 10 because in order to be a 2 or 1, it would need to be either five-hours long or feature more Kelly LeBrock"
For the record, Flo and Abe Vigoda are booked for the sequel, Reese makes out with them both...regardless if they're alive or not.
"Most Cruel email from a film festival" of all time
The Toronto Film Festival wins!
We got an email that started off with a great deal of hope and excitement "Find out if your movie made it into our film festival...click here!"
And we clicked onto the link and they reject us.
That was so...not awesome!
"Most shit email" ever
This email came a day after we posted our website a year ago and nobody had seen the movie.
"Fuck you, you thief! You stole the name! I hope you choke on shit and die you non-gaming asshole! Your movie is shit, you're clips are shit, and everything you do in life is shit! you're one big ball of shit!"
-Anonymous "die hard" fan of the fan video movie "The Gamers"
I emailed the guy and gave him my phone number and invited him to not only watch the movie, but, I even challenged him to a little game of D&D. I apologized that we never heard of the fan movie shot years ago on VHS, that didn't get distribution. I know now, thank you.
For all these negative things that have happened, it can't even begin to compare to the amazing reviews and acts of kindness we have received from people all over the world. However, it's still entertaining to compile for a blog, it's truly the "Shit"
Sunday, October 29
Sunday Night Blog
by
Christopher Folino
on Sun 29 Oct 2006 06:41 PM PST
MY WEEKEND OF WIGGLES
It's been a relaxing weekend spent with the family.
Good lord, I have watched so many Wiggles DVDs, I could get a job as their historian. That's how much I know.
I could see it now.
"No, pre-2000 Dorothy the Dinosaur had a smaller ass, now she's got the ass that rappers loves to tap!"
I may have to go buy the new porn by the Samuel "Screech" Powers, in order to balance out all this goodness.
I think anybody who actually buys the Screech Porn tape should be publicly beaten.
The words pay, purchase, or bought should never accompany the word Screech. And the word funny, talented, or fresh should also never be used.
GAMERS UPDATE
The announcement of the film rep will perhaps happen early this week, we are just getting the contract looked over by our friend whose a lawyer. She doesn't eat babies like most lawyers, she only eats white kittens.
We are inching closer to also having the movie featured in a segment on Starz.
I think we may be due for another review or two, I'll have to find out.
CAST NEWS
Make sure you tune into House this Tuesday night, Scott Allen Rinker will robbing a diner in the first 3 to 5 minutes of the show. See, what happens when you don't get distribution? Scott becomes a strung-out drug user/thief without an ounce of moral goodness in him.
And of course November 15th Wednesday night, replacing Lost on ABC will be Day Break starring Joe Nieves.
And catch Joe on the hit show "How I met your mother" every Monday night on CBS
Dave Hanson is all over the TV set along with Joe Spinagotti in the latest Microsoft TV commercial. It's very cool to see both these incredible actors together..clothed.
Meredith Zealy will be on an upcoming episode of Vegas, she will be the hot girl in a bikini. Tivo that show, you might catch Dave Hanson's TV commercial and you can watch Dave in slow motion! That's hot.
And Kevin Kirkpatrick is still a "total bastard" to his brother on MySpace.
Speaking of MySpace
MYSPACE "GAMERS" New Best Friend Contest is happening again.
Write, whore, get us a sale, promote the movie in a unique way and you could win yourself a "Gamers" T-Shirt and a copy of the movie. And you'll be listed as one of our top 20 MySpace friend list. Email us on Myspace on why you should be our new best friend and for at least two weeks we'll email you and write to you like we're actual friends. Just like Nicole and Paris, but even sluttier gossip will be shared! Mostly about what a bastard Kevin Kirkpatrick is to his one legged brother.
Contest ends November 5th!
It will change your life, past winners have won the lotto, gotten kicked up in line for a kidney donor and have made out with midget strippers from T.J. Mexico.
There's the link, you better not waste our time, we got Nikki as our top fan that woman got the devil to buy a copy the movie, so, you better man, girl, or hermaphrodite up!
http://www.myspace.com/gamersmovie
I will be back with another blog tomorrow, I just took some time off to find myself, in order to write a better blog...it was like
I took for granted the friend I have in you
I was living for a dream, loving for a moment Taking on the world, that was just my style Now I look into your eyes I can see forever, the search is over You were with me all the while
Yeah, I'm back and gay as ever!
Christ, I feel towards this blog what Golum felt towards that ring that made turned him into Michael Jackson.
BUY THE MOVIE, READ ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE BLOG THIS NOVEMBER
You're name will appear with some kind of made-up bullshit in this blog.
So, anybody who buys the movie starting today until the end of November you'll be thanked and mocked in this blog in a good way.
And oh yeah, you'll own a really fucking funny movie.
Thursday, October 26
Afternoon Blog Delight
by
Christopher Folino
on Thu 26 Oct 2006 03:41 PM PDT
I'd like to first say, I'm back, that day off from the blog was amazing.
What I thought would take months, well it didn't
We will be making an announcement regarding a film rep this week for "Gamers"
Thank God, because, that whole day from not writing a blog left a great void in my life.
So what does a film rep do?
Well, if he or she is good, they pimp the movie and help find a distribution deal!
We really like this film rep and once we seal the deal we will have more information.
That will be phase one in getting the movie out to the masses or at least a rental in a Spanish super market!
So viva la all you and this blog will continue to offend.
Best of Blog -Dave Hanson Guest Stars
by
Christopher Folino
on Thu 26 Oct 2006 08:45 AM PDT
| Best of Blog -Dave Hanson Guest Blogs |
Folino will be focusing the next 3 weeks on getting "Gamers" taken care of. For now until any news happens we will be posting blogs that nobody has ever seen until now.
10/23/2005: "My First Blog. By David Hanson
First, let me just say that this blog and the blogs to follow will most likely be not very interesting. I will try to make them funny but this whole "have one of the actors blog for a week" idea probably would have been more interesting during the film making rather than during the post-post production when the actor is doing nothing for the project at all. But I shall do my best to make this entertaining.
So, that said, I have my coffee brewed, my hangover clearing, and my fingers ready to type. Let the magic flow. Acting in the movie "Gamers" was a wonderful experience (for reasons please refer to my "Ten Questions With Dave Hanson"), and I am really hoping it does well in the festivals. I say that because I am really excited with the finished product and because I have nothing else to live for. This film is my only hope Folino. It better pay off or its your ass!
It's uninteresting to go through this post production process as an actor because you have nothing further to do with the project. It is completely out of my hands. All I can do is hop on board another production and wait to see if this one does anything good (which I think it will).
Has my life changed at all from working on "Gamers"? Aside from the emotional scars, no. The day after we wrapped I went back to my day/night job (which is as a doorman at the Hollywood Improv). There I was standing outside, trying to talk to pretty girls while getting cock blocked by other comics and being told to load boxes of booze into my boss' luxery SUV which was parked next to my sad Geo Hatchback. All the while I was day dreaming about the very day before when I was surrounded by a camera crew, a make up lady powdering my face and I, Dave Hanson, was about to do a bedroom scene with Kelly LeBrock. I was an actor damn it!
Cut to:
24 hours later, outside the improv: Dave Hanson day dreaming at the door when his Boss walks up to him.
"Wake-up Dick!"
"Uh, um... God made a brand new day?" |
Monday, October 23
Watch Two New Clips from the movie and help us get some revenue back
by
Christopher Folino
on Mon 23 Oct 2006 03:49 PM PDT
It's time to watch some new clips from the movie and guess what?
You can help us make some money from just watching.
Welcom to Revver, after you see the clip, please click on the advertisment.
We get a small percentage if you click on the advertisment, so please do that and if we get enough click, hell, we'll post the first Eight minutes of the movie on revver.
http://one.revver.com/browse/Editor%27s+Picks
Type in Gamers
and bam! Two never-before-scene clips.
And the best part is that they're short and funny.
Like a small Jon Stewart, but, as a midget!
Regarding the SNL War, I wasn't a big fan of the shows opener, I think we won at that round.
I'm going to post another skit later today or tomorrow morning.
But, for now go watch the clip, click on the advertisment at the end and share with your friends!
Saturday, October 21
SNL BLOG CHALLENGE VS THE SHOW SKIT #2 -Jack Bauer -Life After CTU
by
Christopher Folino
on Sat 21 Oct 2006 11:21 PM PDT
Jack Bauer Life After CTU SKIT
A group of elderly women our seated in the well kept suburban home of an aged Mrs. Nicole Zalewski, who has just finished serving tea to her guest. Her husband, Gary sits by her side drinking his beer.
MRS. ZALEWSKI
Okay, ladies now I’d like to introduce a young gentleman who has some exciting products to share with us all. So give a big “Riverside, California” welcome to Jack Bauer.
From stage left enters Jack Bauer, intense as ever, but nicely dressed wheeling in a large black suitcase. Gary helps Jack also bring in a large black duffle bag.
JACK
The following sales demonstration takes place from 10AM to 10:20AM.
Gary looks around to see if anyone else caught the strange remark, howver, the woman are all smiles.
Jack is nervous and is reading from a cue-card.
JACK
My name is Jack Bauer, I use to work for the government in the Counter Terrorist Unit where on a daily basis I would have just 24 hours to stop bombs, viruses, and assassination attempts, terrorist and other unspeakable acts of mass destruction.
The women don’t react to this news, however Gary neverously claps for Jack who gains his confidence and put his cue-cards away.
JACK
Thank you, you’re very kind. Now, while I was working at CTU, I’ve learned two important things. The first is that Los Angeles is a living, breathing portal for hell. And second, when you have killed as many people in a single day as I have, you really need a strong detergent to not just get the blood out, but also the smell.
Gary stops drinking his beer and looks around at the women who are all impressed with the presentation as Jack pulls out a bowl from his suitcase and begins filling it up with cleaning solution.
JACK
At night, I couldn’t sleep, because, my clothes, my bed and my George Foreman Grill, all smelled of death,
However, today, I don’t smell death anymore and I sleep like a baby because, I left my job at CTU and became part of the Amway Unit, and so, the only thing I’m killing now, is high prices and nasty stains.
Gary spits up his beer as Jack pulls out a decapitated head from his suitcase. The women are all curious with their heads stretched out for a closer look at Jack 's presentation.
JACK
This is a head that I decapitate two years ago from a really evil extreme Muslim terrorist. His face is covered in blood and it appears maggots have eaten most of his upper lip, he’s totally unrecognizable. Let’s put this little bad boy cleaner to the test with a solution called L.O.C. It’s a multi-purpose cleaner that is also gentle enough to also wash your clothes.
Jack dunks the bloodied decapitated head into the solution. Gary is freaking out, however, Jack pulls the head up and the entire face is clean and all the women applaud in delight.
JACK
(joking)
Look at that, I was hoping it was Bin Laden, however, I was only stationed in Los Angeles.
The women chuckle, Jack pulls out a portable in-door grill and lights a fire to heat a frying pan that he places on top of the grill.
JACK
The wonderful thing about Amway is that they make a variety of durable products that you can use in your daily life.
Jack opens up the duffle bag and it’s a living man tied up.
JACK
This is Hector Hugo Gonzales, A.K.A. "The Columbian Butcher", he’s on the FBI’s top ten most wanted list for drug smuggling and countless murders. I found him a few weeks back when I was doing a Nutrilite vitamin demonstration at an Elks Lodge in Wisconsin. Apparently, Hector thought we sold Flinstones chewable vitamins. We Aba Daba Doo not sell Flinstones chewable vitamins.
Our little friend, here is going to help me demonstrate the amazing ICook kitchen ware.
Jack places the left side of Hector’s face into the frying pan and then switches over to the right side.
We cut to the ladies watching in amazement and to Gary who is in shock.
Hector is screaming in pain as Jack holds his face up, which is still smoking and we see that both sides of Hector’s face are burning evenly..
JACK
That ladies is the magic of the Optitemp technology.
Jack pulls out a fire extinguisher and puts out the small fire on Hector’s face.
JACK
Lastly ladies, I’m going to demonstrate the amazing powers of our ESpring water Purifier by releasing a canister of Sentox VX which is nerve gas, I myself, have built up immunity to the deadly gas. However, the ESpring Water Purifier safely removes more than 140 contaminants from the air.
Suddenly, Hector drops dead from the nerve gas, followed by Gary and then by the entire group of elderly women. Jack is the only one left alive.
Jack is upset with himself as he reaches for his cell phone.
JACK
Hey Cloe, it’s Jack, I need you hack into Monster.com and tell me if Applebee’s is hiring? Or see who sells Flinstones Chewable vitamins?
SNL Challenge "Show Opener"
by
Christopher Folino
on Sat 21 Oct 2006 05:56 AM PDT
Welcome to the Saturday Night Live Blog Challenge
All of the skits below were started on Monday October 16th 2006 and finished, today Saturday October 21st, 2006 with an attempt to see who will suck more? My blog or an entire staff of well paid SNL writers?
Please keep in mind, I have a full time job, three kids, and I’m trying to pimp an indie film while attempting to write the material below.
I was going to post the entire show on Saturday, but, then I thought to myself? Screw it? I need to fill this blog up with material; I’ll post a few skits a day.
Without further excuses, here’s my attempt to write a better episode of SNL.
OPENING SHOW SKIT: WHITE HOUSE “HALLOWEEN” PARTY
A group of affluent people dressed in various costumes are gathered in the Lincoln room of the White House
Tony Snow the white house Press Secretary, dressed as a human butt with a large white glove attached to it.
TONY
All right people, the President will be here shortly to pick this year’s winner for the best Halloween costume. So, if I can have all the employees’ line up right behind me.
Dick Cheney, who appears to be dressed as Elmer J. Fudd and is holding his riffle walks in from camera left
DICK
What are you suppose to be Snow? Mark Foley’s favorite page?
TONY
No, Mr. Vice President, I’m a rectum that’s being checked for colon cancer, I took this opportunity to raise awareness about a cancer that killed my father and a cancer, that I’ve been able to beat so far only due to regular colonoscopies.
DICK
Boo Hoo Hoo…when your nut sack drops, maybe you can have a real man’s brush with death
Dick opens up his chest and his entire chest is made of scar tissues and a pounding heart the size of an ape as it almost tears out of his chest.
TONY
Yes sir… nice Elmer Fudd costume by the way.
DICK
What the hell are you talking about? this is my hunting attire. Ain’t that right Harry?
Harry Whittington, the lawyer Dick Cheney shot in the hunting accident, enters from camera left on a wheel chair with a voice box and is dressed as rabbit who looks like Bugs Bunny.
HARRY
(speaking through a voice box)
I don’t know Dick, I lost my vision when you “capped my ass.”
Harry laughs with his voice box. HA…HA. Dick points his gun at Harry.
DICK
Screwy lawyer!
TONY
Okay, Elmer and Bugs please line up right over there?
DICK
(serious)
What are you an idiot? He’s the Easter Bunny.
TONY
Reallly? Okay.
We hear people gasp and Tony Snow looks over to see what appears to be Condoleezza Rice dressed exactly like US Private First Class Lynndie England at Abu Ghraib in Iraq with a lease connected to an Iraqi naked played by Secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld.
TONY
Oh my God, Miss Rice, Mr. Rumsfeld? Why would you two reenact one of the most horrific events in our nation’s history?
Condoleezza Rice yanks on the lease and behind the naked Donald Rumsfeld, comes a cute chihuahua. She puts on her big pair of sunglasses.
Donald picks up a blonde wig off the floor and hands it to Condoleeza and stands up. He’s completely naked, however, he’s keeping his privates tucked behind him.
DONALD
Here’s your wig.
Condoleeza put on the blonde wig and she looks more like Paris Hilton.
CONDOLEEZA
I’m Paris Hilton and this is my dog Tinkerbell. I’m wearing the uniform to support our troops oversees! We are going to win that war!
TONY
Okay.
CONDOLEEZA
….eventually, someday. At the rate of civilian Iraqi deaths per day, complete genocide will happen by 2020. And then we will the win war.
TONY
I’m sorry Miss Rice, your costume for a moment looked just like, ahhh...however, Mr. Rumsefeld serious?
DONALD
What? You’re telling me nobody has seen The Silence of the Lamb?
I’m doing the crazy “hide my goods” serial killer dance!
TONY
Please sir, that’s enough.
We hear the Presidential Music play off in the distance from camera left.
TONY
Ladies and Gentleman, the President of the…what the hell?
Suddenly, George W. Bush is dressed in what appears to be like Kim Jong II and striking various karate poses and yelling phrases like with a horrible Asian accent.
GEORGE W. BUSH
(bad Asian accent)
“Me take on every one of you out!”
Trailing behind the president, are five secret service agents all dressed as nuclear missiles.
TONY
Mr. President what are you doing?
GEORGE W. BUSH
What? I’m Jackie Chan, you know like in “Shanghai Knights” with that funny Wilson fellow.
Tony Snow is completely blank
GEORGE W. BUSH
Never saw Shanghai Knights? It sucks to be you Snow, Well, I got me my collectors DVD back in the office…That’s right, I’m got me some Jackie foo action going! Because tonight! I’m the Shanghai Chief!
Tony Snow still blank.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Get it? Because, I’m like in charge of the entire planet and I believe my power reaches Pluto, even though it’s not really a planet any more. Don’t’tell the astrologist, however, I think it’s debatable.
TONY
Okay, But, clearly your secret service men are dressed as nuclear warheads?
GEORGE W. BUSH
Yeah, they’re all big fans of Hiromi Hara, the former great Japanese soccer player whose nickname was "nuclear warhead".
TONY
That is…obscure at best.
The President chuckles to himself at the various costumes. He walks over to Dick Cheney and starts to crack up.
GEORGE W. BUSH
My name is Dick…Cheney…I own a mansion and a yacht. Hee. Hee.
Dick Cheney looks puzzled.
DICK
I don’t get it.
George W. Bush has moved on to Donald Rumsfeld.
GEORGE W.BUSH
(stern)
I thought we talked about this. That’s private time Donald.
DONALD
Sorry sir.
George W. throws his hands in the air at the great costumes everyone is wearing.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Gosh, these are all wonderful, I just can’t pick, Mama? Will you come in here and help me pick a winner?
Suddenly, Barbara Bush walks into camera in black face and with a sign around her neck that reads Help Hurricane Victims, No food for 2 days or water.
BARBARA BUSH
Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!
Friday, October 20
Youtube out! Revver is it
by
Christopher Folino
on Fri 20 Oct 2006 05:29 PM PDT
Youtube is out. Revver is in. Well at least for poor bastard indie filmmakers trying to "whore" their movie.
We posted two clips on our MySpace page that I don't think many folks have seen. Go check it out.
In other news, Our Blog on MySpace will be re-directed back to www.buygamers.com to the blog page there.
We have lost traffic to the site since we created the MySpace page and we need to make sure our home page comes first.
This is the fun stuff you got to do to survive with an indie film.
All media clips from our web site and on our MySpace page will play from one.revver.com
We want to see if we can generate any money off of posting the clips onto one.revver.com
If we do, then we may post the first 15 minutes of the movie for people to see.
So all you cheap bastards out there, that's a hell of incentive.
So if you want to help us make money go watch the clips here all the way through and click on the advertisement at the end that have added to each clip.
We have no idea how much money is to be made, we will let you know.
Regarding the SNL Blog, it's still going to happen, however, I'm going to post one or two skits a day.
What the hell is the point in one big blog, it will end up being 40 pages, nobody would read it.
In Gamers The Movie news…it still doesn't suck.
Wednesday, October 18
Wednesday Late Blog
by
Christopher Folino
on Wed 18 Oct 2006 04:57 PM PDT
Gamers The Movie News
Starz TV to do a segment on "Gamers" the movie.
We are sending some exclusive footage that maybe 2 people have seen of footage that was taken during the last 3 days of filming "Gamers"
It's all behind-the-scenes footage that we plan on someday using if we make an HD DVD version of the movie.
At this point, your best bet is to watch the STARZ segment, I'm not sure if this bad boy is ever going to make it onto DVD as HD.
SNL CHALLENGE
Here is where they post what skits are going to be on the show. http://www.lornemichaels.com/
They haven't yet, so what I'm posting my skits that will appear in the blog today, so everybody knows it's original.
I'll be honest, I got to start writing like a mofo, because, I've been slammed with work and making sure the twin boys don't eat glass and whiskey.
SKITS TO APPEAR ON THE BLOG THIS SATURDAY NIGHT AT 8:30 PM
11:30PM
White House "Halloween" Party
John C. Reilly Monologue
Life after CTU -Jack Bauer Amway salesman
Laserium reopening
Peyton Mannings long lost brother
20th High School Reunion -Guy who didn't get laid from his date who became a porn star
The Insider does "Holywood" -The Pope canonizes 4 new saints
Screech Porn Tape
Mentos and Diet Coke TV Spot
Magic Show for the blind
The most horrible "warm-up" Mascot for Evangelist in Africa
Weekend Update
Tuesday, October 17
The blog of shortness
by
Christopher Folino
on Tue 17 Oct 2006 07:07 AM PDT
GAMERS UPDATE
The movie still doesn't suck.
BIGGEST BLOG EVER THIS SATURDAY NIGHT
Preparing for the SNL blog challenge, I got all the outlines written out for the skits, now comes the fun part of writing them.
I got to "man-up" and do it. I blame Aaron Sorkin for making "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" as the reason for this foolish attempt.
Serious, it's an amazing show, so go support it, please fucking stop watching "Reality TV" and prime time "Game Shows" or "Dancing Stars or poodles" . Let's get back to the written word.
Studio 60 is a great show and it's dying in the ratings.
Do you really want Howie Mandel in your homes seven days a week? And don't we have enough CSI and Law and Order on TV?
TRUE STORY
Last night, my daughter asked me how things were going with the movie? She's five and a half, and I answered "Not so great, sales are down a little bit"
Without hesitation she said "I want to buy a copy."
I was deeply touched and said "No, sweetie, you're my daughter, I will never sell you anything, I'll buy you a copy"
She looked at me kind of puzzled and stated "Don't do that, I know where you keep them, I'll steal one."
NICE.
Monday, October 16
I will write an entire SNL Show this Saturday Night and post it on the blog
by
Christopher Folino
on Mon 16 Oct 2006 07:32 AM PDT
From what I can tell SNL does about 12 skits total each week, and that includes the weekend update segment.
What the hell, I'm going to write at least 12 skits.
I'm starting to write today and will have it all done by Saturday before the show airs.
The only challenge will be length, I have a short attention span. However, it's on. Let's see who will suck more.
Mind you I have a full time job and three kids and no arms and no legs.
Did all the good writers from SNL leave to work on the Daily Show and The Colbert Report?
And not to talk trash but that season opener was pathetic and I thought, perhaps, just maybe, I've been hard on Dane Cook and maybe he doesn't suck that much...well, he does. I was right. At least his opener blew. He did okay in the sketches.
I enjoyed this article on IMDB today. As you read it, the person Sienna Miller interacts with has a very symbolic name to me, and for the record were not related.
Model/actress Sienna Miller has slammed reports she threw a tantrum when she was removed from a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania bar because she didn't have any identification. Young's Tavern owner Penny Folino told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette the Alfie beauty, 24, ignored doorman Dan Kovacs' request for ID at the entrance and ordered a vodka tonic, before she was asked to leave. Folino told the newspaper, "Sienna ripped off her hat and said, 'I am Sienna Miller. I am a famous actress!' That's what she did. She was basically throwing a temper tantrum." Employees of the drinking spot claim Miller waited outside for 30 minutes, but bouncers refused to let her enter unless she could prove she was over 21 - the legal drinking age. In a statement, Miller says, "I wholeheartedly refute the allegations that I in any way acted in an inappropriate manner when asked for identification at this bar. I was asked to provide ID, and since I didn't have any with me, I was told I couldn't be served and asked to leave. I had no problem with this and my family and I left calmly without any further exchange of words." Folino stands by her claims, saying, "I can't compete against a famous actress, but I can tell you one thing - I'm not a liar - she is."
I believe Folino! Folino! Folino!
Sunday, October 15
Saturday Night Live Blog Next Week
by
Christopher Folino
on Sun 15 Oct 2006 08:34 AM PDT
Gamers The Movie news
I got an email from Diamond Comic Books, we won't get an order until November, so we will have to wait to see if any of our marketing and stalking comic book stores will pay off.
We have two interviews coming out soon, I'm doing a Q&A for a magazine at the moment, I'm trying not to repeat the same stories again, I'm starting to make shit up. For example, I was temporarily blind while directing the movie Gamers" after a right wing Christian fanatic learned we were making a full featured film based on that devil's role playing game. In addition to my wife giving birth the first day of filming the movie, I also donated a kidney to my oldest brother Michael and a part of my spine to my middle brother Steven.
So the article will at least be entertaining.
And unlike Kevin Kirkpatrick if my brothers were on MySpace they would be in my Top 20. That's even after years of mental abuse from those older bastards!
Oh wait, my mom is dead now, so they might think I'm really calling them bastards! Well, I am!
I'm starting to work on an outline for "Gamers" the series. I'd like to try and write maybe 6 or 10 episodes and shoot at least two of them and post them for sale to download.
Of course you know we don't have any studio or backer interested, I'm just doing this because I enjoy poverty.
I'm leaning towards axing the entire mockumentary thing for the series and it will take place before the film.
That's all the information I got on it at the moment, and God knows if we would be able to re-assemble the original four horseman plus Reese to do this. I could see shooting it on video in about 3 months or less. Then again, you need money to make this happen and that's something we have none of.
There's always gambling on football though?
Blog challenge: SNL VS MY BLOG -October 21st -Who will suck less?
I always wanted to write a sketch or two for SNL, so next Saturday Night October 21st, on this blog, I'll post a few and we'll see if they can meet the quality of today's SNL standards.
I'll post my blog a few hours before SNL goes live and you can all vote.
To up the ante I'm going to write some sketches out too. Hell, I might even write an entire show.
So, what' happening this Saturday Night?
I Got an email from my former principal asking me if I was going to my 20th High School reunion tonight.
What? And miss a day of writing on my blog? Please, sir I have a life.
Daughter Story
My daughter got a call from her first new kindergarten school friend today. I answered the phone and this little voice asked to speak to my daughter. Unfortunately, she was out running some errands with her mom, however, I was a good dad, I wanted the little girl to know that my daughter is cool and I said ""she talks about you all the time!"
Look at me? Trying to help my daughter "score" some brownie points with her new little friend.
Good lord, she's 5 1/2 and it's a girl calling, what am I going to be like if a boy calls when she's 19 and my daughter hasn't ever been on a date and she's not able to answer the phone?
"Yeah, she's not home right now, she's picking out a wedding dress for you! So what time you picking her up at?"
So, the funniest part of my daughter on the phone is what do 5 1/2 year olds talk about? I swear to God, this is the absolute truth, I walked by her room and I could hear them both on the speaker phone playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors"
Go to my 20th high school reuinion and miss out on that? I don't think so. High School was never that cool.
Friday, October 13
The Saturday Night Live News Challenge
by
Christopher Folino
on Fri 13 Oct 2006 09:12 PM PDT
As an experiment, I'm going to write my own entire weekend news update segment for Saturday, 10/21/06.
I'll start writing the news this Monday and I'll try and time it out with SNL news.
The SNL show on 10-21-06 features John C. Reilly
On 10/21/06, I'll post it before SNL airs and we'll see who "the sucks" on more?
What the hell, it'll be fun to give it a shot.
Interesting enough, Dane Cook is the host for SNL tomorrow...Gee, I wonder if they'll be any "MySpace jokes" in his opening monologue?...that are funny. Or any skits with Dane Cook that are funny?
One cool thing is that he lists the sketches for tomorrow night's show. The one sketch that caught my eye is called "FARRAH"
Funny, Dave Hanson, does a scene in our movie about naming his D&D character after Farrah who gets killed by his dungeon lord and he loses it at work and just keeps calling the DL up over and over.
Wonder what SNL's skit "Farrah" is about? And if it's funny.
So as I write this blog tonight, I live about a block away from Newbury High School and I can hear the sounds of the game and the half time show. Either the fumes from my meth lab are getting the best of me, or I just heard an African cheer followed by two ragtime songs
Thursday, October 12
"Gamers" The Movie Vacation Tour Package Available Now
by
Christopher Folino
on Thu 12 Oct 2006 05:48 AM PDT
"Gamers" The Movie Vacation Tour Package Available Now
About a month ago, I received a called from a Mr. Yoshi Yo in Japan who identified himself as simply "Yo".
Apparently "Yo" loved our movie, he's a huge fan! He let me know that it's a "cult classic" in Japan. That's nice to hear, however, we haven't sold a single copy to anyone in Japan. So, it's official, I hate Japan more than New Mexico!.
I guess they call it "Bootleg" for a reason don't they, it sure travels fast.
Yo didn't call to offer a "lucrative distribution deal", oh no, he inquired about a "Gamers The Movie" tour he and his other gamer friend, Kamo Ho could attend.
Being a total broke "whore", I offered Yo & Ho an incredible six days of "unrated" and "unapologetic" fun! Gamers the movie style! Most of my time is teaching cute animals and children how to beg people to get us a distribution deal. Say hello to Mr. Puffers, below he's outside Miramax pleading our case. He works on just three pieces of meow-mix a day.
So, I packed up the family and shipped them off to relatives in San Francisco, took vacation time off from work and played host to Yo and Ho!
It was an incredible experience, to see two grown foreign men cry "tears of joy" after touching the "Comforter of Shame.".I truly believe now, that our movie really has the "power to change lives" and perhaps someday all those smart folks in "Think Tanks" can find a way to use our movie to cure cancer. Right now, just rubbing the DVD even over a pimple really doesn't do much.
But, I'm a not a scientist, I'm an "Entertainer" and I'll leave the rubbing to the professionals.
I digress with my story, Yo and Ho left about two days ago and had a great time, I want to highlight their experience and offer the "Gamers" The Movie Vacation Package to any other fans out there!
DAY 1
SLEEP IN GORDON'S ROOM FROM THE MOVIE
Yo and Ho arrived from LAX in style as the writer/director/editor/executive producer of "Gamers", picked them up in Gordon's automobile from the movie, a 2003 Nissan Altima that's actually driven in real life by the writer/editor/director/executive producer of "Gamers".
A private driving tour of the one block radius of Newbury Park, CA
where 90 percent of the movie was shot, given by the writer/director/editor/executive producer of "Gamers" and of course "Free Witty Banter" included by the writer/director/editor/executive producer of "Gamers"
Hotel accommodations who needs them! Yo and Ho got to stay in the actual house where we shot the movie. That's right Gordon's house is really the writer/director/editor/executive producer of "Gamers" and he's kicked his twin boys out and re-decorated the room to appear exactly like "Gordon's room"
Yo and Ho were then surprised with their own custom made "White Wizard's Robe" which they wore everywhere! It's amazing you can find them for such a great price on the internet.
Lunch Time was special as Yo and Ho were treated to an all you can eat "Beef Jerky" Buffet in the actual kitchen where we shot the movie.
4 piece Beef Jerky limit per guest
Yo and Ho suggested we make "Gamers Beef Jerky sushi" and that it would be "Big hit back in Japan" I reminded Yo and Ho that I'm a not a sushi chef, no, my job is to entertain the world. I'm a chef of "Comedy" I am an "Entertainer" of global porpotion now and l think I'll leave the rubbing of raw fish to the proffesionals.
The highlight of the evening, was when I dialed the following actors in hopes to have them say a big "American" hello to "Yo" and "Ho"
To my amazement Kevin Sherwood, Joe Nieves, Dave Hanson, Scott Allen Rinker, Meredith Zealy, Ben Messmer, Niko Posey, Michael Bell, William Katt, Beverly D'Angelo and Kelly LeBrock's cell phones all went straight to voice mail.
Oh "Yo" and "Ho" had a such a great time leaving messages, especially on Bill Katt's cell phone, when they tried to say his lines from the movie, they totally fucked it up with their broken English, it was so adorable. Yo and Ho kept shouting into the cell phone "The Suckies on you, me want to suckie on you...long time!"
The night ended with "Yo" and "Ho" searching the web for cute photos for me to place on my morning blog.
Well, I'm going to drag the hell out of this blog for at least two more days. So join us tomorrow and see what awesome adventures Yo & Ho had with the writer/director/editor/executive producer of "Gamers"
Wednesday, October 11
The Two Minute Blog
by
Christopher Folino
on Wed 11 Oct 2006 08:34 AM PDT
My computer ate my blog last night at 3AM
It was going to be a funny blog, hell, it was perhaps, one of the top ten blogs of all time.
Yeah...funny shit.
And related to "Gamers" the movie also.
Yep, funny stuff. Gone! Thanks to the Microsoft doing a self-reboot.
I got like two minutes to write a blog, serious, before I have to leave for work.
So here it goes
Just random thoughts in the brain with comments behind them.
Think Tank -Never seen one, would love to crash it, just to fuck with them.
While they're trying to cure cancer, I'm going to be like "Does anybody remember that candy in the eighties, that was chocolate but came in a space wrapper and wasn't sold in the candy section.
Sharks -If I was a shark, I'd totally eat Aquaman, fuck that guy and his outfit. I'd do everything I could to stop him.
Ghoneria -I just wonder if it was named after the Doctor who discovered it, Alex Ghoneria, because, if I'm his great, great, great, great, great, grandson, I'd hate my great, great, great, great, grandfather. Why couldn't he be the guy who discovered the "Orgasm". Serious, now that's a legacy.
Gamers Distribution Deal -It's like being a hot chick whose funny, however, you intimidate the other guys and nobody wants to date ya...yeah, it's just like that.
Blow Fish -If I was a blow fish, I'd totally eat Aquaman...
Okay, times up. Got to go! Tomorrow is a very funny blog. So funny I have to write it again!
Tuesday, October 10
Headline News for Tuesday
by
Christopher Folino
on Tue 10 Oct 2006 05:05 AM PDT
We interrupt our regularly scheduled whoring of the movie "Gamers" to bring you today's Headline News
Sports fan names newborn ESPN
The newborn joins his older brothers Spike, Sundance, Starz in Black (Mom swears it's her husband's child) and Taquilla XY (a hardcore gay movies dubbed into espanol daily, dad swears it's just a name he's always been "curious" about)
Hilton, Richie reunite for "Simple Life"
Finally, something to ease the pain of never seeing Lennon & McCartney get back together.
The Army is lowering it standards for recruits...
to accurately reflect the intelligence level of the current administration. Monkeys and Dolphins are encouraged to also apply...but, no "gay dolphins" The Army has it's standards Opo!
Pope urges couples to back family values
Like not making a big deal out priest that "molest" or getting uptight when people "casually" quote a Byzantine emperor who characterized some of the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad, Islam’s founder, as “evil and inhuman" in casual conversation.
Google to buy YouTube for $1.65 billion
1.65 billion for PG-13 "Teen Porn" and Mentos and Diet Coke exploding videos? Really 1.65 billion?
Budget Soars for "Evan Almighty"
Universal's upcoming Evan Almighty, starring Steve Carell, will cost between $175 million -- $250 million, including marketing -- the Los Angeles Times reports that's it the most expensive comedy in history. "
"I once again lost out to Morgan Freeman for the part of me. Yeah, it hurts, but you know Morgan is a great "fucking actor", what you gonna do? Give him leprosy so he has to drop out of the production? Ha, Ha, No, I'm joking, really, I'm not bitter.
After all, I just gave up my only son for you bastards," stated God in a press conference earlier this morning.
Monday, October 9
See the Greatest Entertainer of our generation, Dave Hanson, all this week!
by
Christopher Folino
on Mon 09 Oct 2006 08:20 PM PDT
Dave Hanson
The "Greatest Entertainer Of Our Generation"
Catch this comedic mastermind this week with three brand new shows in California!
Tuesday night at 10PM
Hollywood Improv
8162 Melrose ave
West Hollywood, CA 90046
Thursday and Friday at 8PM
at
8878 Clairmont Mesa Blvd
San Diego, CA
Comedy Palace (858) 573-0155
or visit the website at
www.thecomedypalace.com
Dave Hanson
Comedy that doesn't suck!
Monday of this day blog
by
Christopher Folino
on Mon 09 Oct 2006 08:40 AM PDT
Gamers the movie news update
Smell the update
I believe this is the week we get orders from Diamond Comic Books.
Not really expecting "many" to be honest.
If you blinked you would have missed the location and the order form number
Gamers The Movie Order code OCT064851 under pop culture.
I'm so glad they returned our ten emails and phone calls and let us advertise in their monthly sales book...oh wait, that's right, that never happened. It's a lot like how my relationship is going with my dead mother. She doesn't return my calls or emails either.
We instead did our own email blast to every comic store we could find the web.
Speaking of Diamond Comic Books, here now is the only Comic Book I'm going to start reading this October!
It looks fantastic! Dark stuff!
Gamers The Movie Available for viewing via the net?
Since the lovely confirmation of bootlegging, we are starting to look into making the movie available streaming off our web site for like a few bucks.
We will of course have to remove all three of the eighties songs from the download, due to the fact they want more money than God, Oprah, and
Scott Allen Rinker to perform in David Mamet's Pulitzer -Prize Winning play "Glengarry Glen Ross"
Scott is playing the part of John Williamson, (Kevin Spacey) in which he'll tear that Mamet shit up! (In a good way)
The play is being put on by Rat Bastard Productions, a great group of talented guys and it runs from October 27th through December 10th at 8PM
at The Actor's Playpen in Los Angeles. Performances run Friday through Sunday Evenings, tickets are $15.00 for more information contact
818 415-4918. All Proceeds will be donated to PS ARTS, a non-profit putting arts back into LA Public Schools.
"He ain't heavy, he's my brother...but not on MySpace
Kevin Kirkpatrick, a talented but, "heartless MySpace bastard "and now the war has been taken to IMDB
Kevin, look at the heat you're getting on your IMDB Message Board. Amazing, after a year you finally got a new post.
Things that would make the world better
Bring back Steve Burns to Blues Clues
Drummer Dan will agree with me, that Steve alone can help make sure our children grow up in a better world, one "Blue's Clues" at a time.
I'm officially tired of Joe, the "pretty boy" is as stiff as my mother, who in her current state could still sing better than Joe.
Sunday, October 8
Sunday Night "Best of Blog -Cruel to children and distribution
by
Christopher Folino
on Sun 08 Oct 2006 05:29 PM PDT
To make up for the lack of one on Saturday, here's a best of blog with no photos the way Dave Hanson like it.
03/28/2006: ""Blog for my bloggies" by Christopher Folino"
I’m starting to get into deeper conversations with distributors and one mentioned “We will cut a trailer for your movie.”
There were like two words that kept popping in my mind when he said that, “Fuck” and “No”.
Combined they do work and can express exactly how you feel. Switched around you have “No Fuck!” which makes you sound like a caveman warding off sexual advances from another male caveman who isn’t a pretty boy like those two in “Brokeback Mountain”.
Why so worried about a distributor cutting a trailer for your movie? Have you seen some of the trailers out there? “Suck” and “Ass” are two words that keep popping into my mind.
FYI, I don’t curse nearly as much in my home with the three kids around, in fact I got in trouble recently for using the word “Butt” instead of “Bottom”
Yeah, that’s the term my five year old daughter uses and always corrects me when I use the word “Butt” Even when I’m watching “Bevis and Butthead” it’s now “Bevis and Bottomhead.” And when I watch “Girls Gone Wild Volumes 1 thru 10,000” every night with my children, I have to catch myself and correct what I was about to say, like “ Hey, look at how high Snoop Dog can bounce a quarter off that girls…bottom, nice quarter bouncing bottom.”
Oh, I have so many stories like that, for example, I came home last night and my daughter drew a picture with all the characters from the Nickelodeon line-up” I'm talking a detail drawing of SpongeBob, Danny Phantom, Josh and Drake, and all the rest of the shows!"
You could tell my daughter spent a lot of hours creating this drawing and her mom was so proud.
Almost tears of prider in my wife's eyes.
Well, I sat my daughter down and I gave her D- for originality and I told her “Honey, you want to impress daddy? Then take those tiny little hands and draw me a photo of “Gamers” and then write me a letter to give all the distributors out there and tell them how much five year olds around the world would love “Gamers!” and while your at it, go get daddy a beer in a bottle! That’s right, no more drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon in can, daddy is a director now, he deserves it in bottle!” And use your teeth to open that bottle up, because your baby teeth are going away and Daddy doesn’t have time to waste! Uncle Snoop Dog is almost ready to bounce a fifty cent piece off some junior college girls!”
After I’ve had about 12 Pabst, I chew off the blue ribbons from the labels with my teeth and pretend it's a film festival award.
I'm proud to say that “Gamers” has taken home the Blue Ribbon over 91 times in the last two days!
I got to go “Gamers” is getting another Blue Ribbon for best costume design at the BET Film Festivals!
LEGACY
by
Christopher Folino
on Sun 08 Oct 2006 12:06 AM PDT
LEGACY
What the hell will you leave behind in this world? I ask that myself a lot and of late.
Right now my tombstone will be declare.
"YER OUT!"
"If only he was this talented and awesome with the rest of life"
Followed with this photo on my tombstone
Viva La the Greatest Gaming System of all time!
Some will leave a "bad legacy"
And some will leave a "horrible legacy"
The "Text Message King" of boys 16 and under
and then there's the kind of "Legacy" you really want no part off.
And some will have their ashes sprinkled onto MySpace so they can continue to "whore" themselves well beyond their grandchildren's death
Dane Cook, yep in the cult classic "Simon Sez"
You can get this movie on Netflix and Blockbuster and I'm sure nobody has ever "pirated" this film ever.
and some will not be remembered as a fine actor
Kevin Kirpatrick at "Groundling" -Doesn't that shirt describe him perfectly
Instead, this man's legacy will be that of the "evil brother" who totally screwed his "nice brother" out of a spot on his top 20 MySpace friend list
So think about your legacy, and what it means too you. For Example if your working on sequels to
or
Then kick your worthless legacy in the nuts.
Friday, October 6
Oh Look The Bootleg copy of "Gamers" is out
by
Christopher Folino
on Fri 06 Oct 2006 05:41 AM PDT
Gamers apparently are pirates too! Isn't that frickin lovely.
I found out that a cast members good friend saw our movie from a pirated copy from his friend in New Mexico gave to him.
People in New Mexico what the...
Come on, I would expect this from Mexico.
Not New Mexico!
Sadly, we are starting to get some reports that there are indeed bootlegs of our movie going around.
Right now, I'd like to say to anybody whose burned a copy of the film or sold it illegally.
We are trying to sell 10,000 units to make our money back.
Is $15.99 plus $4.00 shipping unfair?
Does that fuck up your cash for your
Or the cash needed for your diet of crap at...
The money goes to pay the bank back. At the rate of sales, we won't see any profit from this movie until...
This movie was self-financed with credit cards and bank loans. Ain't nobody rich here, we are basically...
So to you folks that bootleg our movie, I think your a total...
We all have day...
and most of us who produced this movie have extra mouths to feed...
oh, yeah...we don't have a distribution deal like these "classics" cinema power houses...
or
And oh, yeah...it's not on NETFLIX or BLOCKBUSTER like this indie movie
So to everyone who owns a bootleg copy of the movie, I will find you.
I will make it my mission in life to someday piss on your
and then dig up your body and proceed to...
Johnny Cakes you!
This has been my public service announcement for the day.
There's about a 98 percent chance it's a bootleg.
Lastly a shout out of thanks to rhonethesilver who posted some real nice things about the film
And to properly thank Alison Bradley again for re-doing our website at buygamers.com
So thank you Alison from wackypuppy.com you take a byte out of not sucking!
Thursday, October 5
Thursday Late Blog
by
Christopher Folino
on Thu 05 Oct 2006 11:29 AM PDT
New Ad for the movie to appear in December issue of Dragon Magazine.
11,000 Downloads for the Gamers Clips over at www.gametrailers.com
So, it appears both clips are very well hated...nice
For the Prom Scene, A.K.A. Lactating Milk scene my favorite comment was from
Artstick
"I didn't think it was funny. Just disgusting. Also, its ridiculous how Hollywood portrays gamers on screen."
I think it's kinda cute that he thinks it's a real Hollywood movie
And for the Meeting with the Boss scene
Look at what
ShinAkumA21 wrote
"not funny YOU FAIL!"
And
FROGHUNTER chimed in
"If this will come as a movie, then this must be filmed, by a overdosed producer. I hope it won't come to our theaters"
Nice! I laughed pretty good at boy of the comments.
So the day is still young and I'm looking forward to more posts!
So come on all you 15 year olds, get on the message board and post away!
Wednesday, October 4
Breaking News 2 News Clips from the movie posted on gametrailers.com
by
Christopher Folino
on Wed 04 Oct 2006 07:52 PM PDT
TWO NEW EXCLUSIVE CLIPS FROM "GAMERS" THE MOVIE
NOW LIVE AT
Please go and vote for them!
Direct Link
Clip Names
Prom Date
Meeting with the Boss
It looks awesome.
Blog for Wednesday
by
Christopher Folino
on Wed 04 Oct 2006 08:57 AM PDT
NEW MEDIA ALERT
Two new clips from the movie will be posted maybe even as early as this afternoon.
We will post a link to the website that will be have them exclusively for a few days, then we will of course place them all over our site and our MySpace page.
The first will be the William Katt "The Sucks All On You Clip"
Where he basically goes off on how awesome Madden Football Franchise Mode is and that you can't die in franchise mode, you can suck, but, the sucks all on you.
I think of any scene in the movie, this is my personal favorite, because, It's my life story. Huge fan of role playing game and Madden Football Franchise mode. My two obsessions in life got to meet and strangely worked out nicely in the scene.
The second clip is the Reese "Lactating Milk Scene"
I don't need to say any more. It's a lovely scene.
That will do it for clips being released. No more ever again. This is just a huge push to try and get more awareness out for the movie. It would be nice to let
I may have one more trailer in me for the movie and it would be a trailer with review after review after review with some sort of tagline at the end like
Unlike Hollywood, we care about not sucking.
More independent than Clerks, El Mariachi, and Reservoir Dogs combined.
A Non-studio factory made comedy.
Still, the greatest comedy you've never heard of.
However, I'm a bit numb at the moment and I think I can do a better tagline without sounding like a "whiny indie bitch" who can't get any studios to love him...boo, hoo. Hold me Lions Gate! Fuck that.
DAY 3 OF The MYSPACE WAR WITH KEVIN KIRKPATRICK
The man needs to log onto MySpace in order to understand there's a war going on. It's like flipping off a blind person right now, it's not fun.
SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE
Netflix is still reviewing the film, That's all we got at the moment.
If they reject the movie, I'm so canceling my subscription.
I'll teach them, just like I taught Showtime and HBO for passing on the movie, I canceled my subscription. Hah! Miss me now HBO?
At this rate, the only station I'll get on my TV set is
Got a cool post and review from a MySpace friend named David who bought the DVD and did a review and posted it
That's the stuff that keeps you going, people like David, Nikki, Laura, Derek, and Shaun Moore. It serious prevents you from cracking open a bottle or six of vodka and going a little crazy?
Tuesday, October 3
Dave Hanson the real deal
by
Christopher Folino
on Tue 03 Oct 2006 06:44 AM PDT
Here is a brand new review of the movie from bumscorner.com. written by Mike Eshelman
Full Review
Some Great Highlights from the article
"It’s sort of a darker version of “Revenge of the Nerds” or the recent “Benchwarmers” without the huge heartwarming victory over the jocks at the end. These guys don’t have to come to terms with getting picked on, they have to come to terms with sequestering themselves from the real world – pretending greatness instead of trying to achieve it."
"With so little to chuckle about on the big screen lately, I highly recommend getting a copy of “Gamers”. It’s somewhat dark and downright cruel, but it’s also freekin’ hilarious. A solid 4 ½ cans out of 5."
“Gamers” doesn’t dwell on the semantics of the game itself too much, so it’s very approachable by just about any viewer. So even if you’ve never coveted a helmet that makes you heal yourself, there’s still plenty of comedy here for you (the “White Wizard” scenes had me laughing my ass off). "
Wow those bums can write.
Day 2 of the all new MySpace Wars with Kevin Kirkpatrick
Who is the most evil man on MySpace?
Well, Kirkpatrick comes in second on MySpace. Need I say the name that shall not be spoken? Being a total whore and evil on MySpace...same thing.
Let's talk about Kevin Kirkpatrick, or the new nickname he's gaining on MySpace "Osma Kirkpatrick"
He wont ad his own brother to his Top 20 MySpace Best Friend list.
What kind of horrible person who only has 53 friends refuses to add his own flesh and blood?
Here is the exact email I sent to each of Kevin Kirkpatrick top 20 Myspace Best Friends
|
Dear Kevin Kirkpatrick's top 20 MySpace Best Friend,
Kevin has chosen you over his only brother "Kelly" as one his top 20 MySpace Best Friend.
He only has 53 friends and his brother really needs a top spot. Kelly has always been there for Kevin, as a child he protected Kevin from getting his ass kicked everyday by a one-eyed girl named "Chandrashakar"
Kelly single-handily raised Kevin alone, when at the age of three, Kevin's parents decided "We want to give Kevin away to the circus" The circus rejected him.
Kelly later on in life gave up a kidney, a liver, and a leg when Kevin became a raging alcoholic after he missed out on the part of "Screech" on Saved by The Bell.
Kelly has also loaned Kevin thousands of dollars for cosmetic surgery to give Kevin pecs, to further his ability to land a role that requires him to be topless.
Look, Kevin needs a MySpace intervention on how to respect people, and not always take, take, take.
So, please find it in your heart and email Kevin and ask him to place his only brother, Kelly, who now
has leopraochy because he's donated most his important body parts to keeping Kevin Kirkpatrick's career going. Even when Kevin used his acting talents for "evil" and appeared on this winner of a show.
and this comedic weekly gem
So, please do the right thing "Just say to no, to being on Kevin Kirkpatrick's Top 20 MySpace list"
Best Regards,
Coalition for a K.K.K.
Kinder Kevin Kirkpatrick
DAVE HANSON PROFILE
|
"REESE"
ABOUT: Dave's a stand-up comedian, he's funny, that's what he does, he makes "Funny Jokes" The best part of Dave Hanson is that he can also "Act" so when you combine "Funny" and "Acting" you get a rare talent. And when you mix in the fact that Dave Hanson has "No Ego" and that he will literarily give you the shirt off your back, you have "a funny, guy who can act that isn't a prick who will give you anything you need"
We saw a lot of comedian at the auditions...none were able to "Act"
AUDITION:
Dave came in for the role of "Paul" he was really dry and had a great "I'm a prick kind of guy" aura for the character. He made me laugh, in a different way then anybody else. He is so dry, and for a brief moment I thought to myself "He would of been a great Reese" At the time Reese was already casted by a friend who was doing pretty good with the part.
And sadly as Dave auditioned for the part of "Paul", Scott Allen Rinker had already come in and my mind was made up. Also, the casting director was worried we had reach our quota of tall white men who are balding for this movie and that people might get them confused.
(Not in movie, just funny looking bald dude)
However, there was something about Dave Hanson that just sticks with you and we offered him the part of Reese's boss originally. Then we found out William Katt was available and we decided to offer Dave a bigger role as the psycho werewolf. The part for Reese opened up when the original actor didn't memorize his lines and was having a hard time keeping up. You lose friends kids if you really want to make your self-financed indie film work.
You got to do everything for the movie, like miss the birth of your children.
Dave Hanson as Reese was hands down, the best decision for the entire movie. Hanson had six days to prepare for "Reese" and he nailed it. He stole the film, he honestly did. All the actors did an amazing job, however, Dave Hanson can play pathetic like nobody else.
IMPROV:
My favorite Dave Hanson improv moments in the movie are when Dave is calling is Kevin, the scene was originally short, however, I let Dave go and he came up with shit that was so vulgar and obscene that it made my heart smile.
Dave "Owned" the character Reese, he was free to improv the rest of the movie and when I called him in to record the answering machine messages for the DVD menu screen, it was improv heaven once again.
Serious, he had six days to prepare his role, six days! What the hell can anybody do in six days?
FINAL THOUGHTS
I'm a huge fan, Dave's a class act all the way. He's been nothing but generous with promoting the movie. He's gone out of his way, like he's invested his own money to get people to watch it. Serious, he made all his friends and family buy the DVD, nobody else did that other than Joe Nieves.
I will never make another movie without offering him a role, even it's "Blind, Albino Tree Frog porn! I will find a way to get him in the movie.
A little more to the left "Dave"
Dave Hanson is the "Shawn Alexander" of moviemaking, just hand him the line and he'll get you a TD everytime.
Without Hanson as Reese, the movie would be shit on a stick.
CURRENT PROJECTS:
Dave landed and shot a national TV spot for Microsoft. If there is anybody who deserves to be rich, it's Dave Hanson. His day job is bartending at the Improv comedy club, why the hell any of these fuck heads in Hollywood haven't casted him is beyond me.
So, if your fuck head in Hollywood reading this blog, go cast Hanson right now, you'll be promoted to head of Warner Brothers for discovering him and then you can go make Aquaman.
Monday, October 2
Bad Kevin and Good Kevin
by
Christopher Folino
on Mon 02 Oct 2006 01:00 AM PDT
HIGHLIGHTS OF MY WEEKEND -TEACHING TWINS TO TYPE 666 ON A CALCULATOR
Other than "Dane Cooking" people about our Spike TV segment and the awesome review at gameshark.com, I seriously tried teaching my twin boys, who are 14 months now, to type 666 on a calculator so they could freak out their mother during the week, when I'm not around. However, the boys have the attention span of a studio executive watching Gamers, neither one would "Baby-Up" to do it.
And man, my life is repeating itself again, both my boys are hooked on "The Wiggles"
When my five year old daughter was little, the Wiggles were like family, family that you wanted to leave, but wouldn't! Until they brain washed you into loving only them!
It's like pure crack, somehow those Aussies dressed like Star Trek crew members can make babies comatose for like 40 minutes.
SHOUT OUT TO NIKKI ZALEWSKI
Thanks again to Nikki who has volunteered her time to spread the word about the movie and to drum up opportunity after opportunity.
THE HANSON FAMILY KEEPS US IN BUSINESS AGAIN
Dave Hanson's family continues to purchase the DVD, his Uncle Harry Howard Hanson "Family-upped" and got the DVD.
I think at some point, I'm going to half to tell Dave the truth that I lied when I said which ever actor sales the most DVD gets to be listed as Kevin Kirkpatrick's top 20 MySpace friend list.
KEVIN KIRKPATRICK AND THE MYSPACE WARS PART 2
True Story, Kevin Kirkpatrick's brother emailed me when I wrote in my blog the other day how I thought Kevin should add me as one of his top friends, since I made him the lead actor in my movie and his brother said "Don't worry, he's my brother and I can't even make it on his top 20"
That's fucking bullshit! That's what that is! So, I added Kevin's brother Kelly on the Gamers Top 20 MySpace friends, higher than Kevin Kirkpatrick who is slowly inching his way to the bottom.
I even wrote Kevin and posted on his site "What kind of tool doesn't put his own brother on his top 20 MySpace friends list?"
Kirkpatrick removed my posts.
HELP GET HIS BROTHER KELLY KIRKPATRICK ADDED TO KEVIN'S TOP 20 MYSPACE FRIEND LIST
So, I'm asking everyone to help me get Kevin Kirkpatrick to add his own brother as a top 20 friend on his MySpace page
He only has 53 friends, dude! What the fuck? He's your brother!
What did he do to you? To be cheated out of being on your top 20 list?
Come on! Kelly is a cool dude, he's family!
Fuck those groundling friends you got on there, man-up, add your brother! Just cause you do improv with those folks doesn't mean they'll do a good eulogy for you when you die!
Your brother is your "greatest fan" and he's the only one who will make people look past your "selfish tendencies" on MySpace at your funeral.
What are those groundling fucks going to do at your funeral Kevin? Improv a scene? Somehow incorporating your dead body into the sketch?
I can see it now, they'll be like "Okay, what we need now from the audience is a crazy occupation for dead Kevin and a catch phrase!"
Is that what you want Kevin Kirkpatrick? Add your fucking brother to your top 20 MySpace best friends list..
I will start emailing your top 20 MySpace "Best Friends" and asking them to email you to remove them, so your brother can take their place! You know I will do it. By the way almost all of your top 20 friends, don't have you on their top 20 "Best Friend" list.
The sucks all on you. However, your brother, Kelly, proudly displays your lame photo on his site!
I have no problem talking shit about you every day Kevin Kirkpatrick, on my blog, I really don't. Improv your "talented ass" to adding Kelly now.
Now we go from "Evil Kevin" to "Good Kevin"
KEVIN SHERWOOD PROFILE
THE DUNGEON LORD
BACKGROUND
I've known Kevin Sherwood since 1986, when I casted him as the lead actor in my first movie "Lance Amater". It was a 40 minute comedy about the perfect High School student.
We went on to make another movie in 1993 with David Frisk called "The Art of Crime". A 42 minute movie about a kid who comes home from college to find his best friend is now a private detective, a really horrible one at that.
After that movie, which we shot on video, we sort of had to go get real jobs in video production work and it wasn't until 2005 that I got to keep a promise to him and cast him as the lead actor in my first 35MM production called Full Spectrum Warrior: Ten Hammers a Live Action video game trailer.
That's the dungeon lord's voice baby and that's him saying "In a split second..."
You got to understand I promised Kevin back in 1986 that someday we would make a real movie together, and each year as we worked together at The Home Depot video taping fucking wood and more wood, I still promised him.
So when we got to do "FSW" and "Gamers" both in the same year, and only months apart, he basically nominated me as "Friend of the year!"
And I'm sure if Kevin Sherwood had a MySpace page, he'd put me on his top 20 MySpace "Best Friend" list.
KEVIN AS THE DUNGEON LORD
The boy kicked ass as the dungeon lord, he owned that character! And his relationship with Dave Hanson's character "Reese" priceless! Those two just sort of created the strangest bond ever and it was great, you felt that they really hated each other. Kind of like me and Kevin Kirkpatrick.
Sherwood and Hanson started stealing scenes in the movie, that's how good their interaction was!
WAKE UP DICK
Kevin came up with the lyrics and music to "Wake up Dick" all on his own! I gave him some "Wiggles" music and told him what I wanted and I remember the first day he played the song for us at rehearsal, I was dying. Fucking brilliant, and why that song alone hasn't caught on yet is beyond me. Fuck Youtube and all the bullshit porn for pre-teens and stupid ass videos that get thousands of hits, "Wake Up Dick" alone should have it's own fucking website!
By the way, look at the end credits of the movie and look at all the songs he created with Tom Hite for the movie, fucking unreal!
And there all funny and really well produced, the two are working on a sound track for "Gamers", that should come out before Christmas!
WHILE MAKING THE MOVIE
There was nothing cooler than watching Kevin on the set and seeing him have the time of his life. Everday, he got just a little more confident and he was inventing new lines on me at that last minute, it made me proud.
He and Niko Posey had such chemistry, it was unstoppable. Those are two good looking people doing a horrible scene together and playing it brilliantly. I so want to cast them together again in a movie!
THERE IS NO GOD
Kevin doesn't have an agent, this movie launched nobody's career. It's the cult classic that may someday will find it's audience. However, at the moment, it's a cult film that maybe wouldn't be such a "secret" if our lead actor, Kevin Kirkpatrick added us to his top 20 MySpace "Best Friend" list also.
Sunday, October 1
Best of Blog -"Old School"
by
Christopher Folino
on Sun 01 Oct 2006 04:22 AM PDT
Monday's Blog will be all new with another cast profile, however, today is a "Best of Blog" It's sappy, it's girlie, it's all true...so it's my "So called Sappy, Girlie life" Blog
01/04/2006: "Old School by Christopher Folino"
Originally, I wanted to shoot “Gamers” in my hometown of El Monte and to film in the exact locations of where I use to play "Dungeons and Dragons" and hung-out. However, when you make an ultra-low-budget indie film you need to pick one location and stay-put!
I thought it would be a nice ode to the city where I grew up in. However, I live in Newbury Park, CA now and all my friends have moved away from El Monte. Besides, the script took a departure from being barely semi-autobiographical to "what can we do make a really funny movie."
Since starting in 1986 and making various movies and shorts on video, the city of El Monte was my prop, I shot freely there and it was mostly due to working at the Public Access Station, KELM 3 and knowing the police.
Our first movie started while I was in high school and it was called “Lance Amater: The story of a legend” and I was in detention when the thought occurred to me, while being forced to copy the school’s rule book, who would live by these rules? And that's how the story of the perfect high school student at a catholic high school was born.
I caught a great break, The principal of Bishop Amat High School at the time was Merritt Hemenway who along with some key faculty members, like Dave Ayotte and the “Velasco sisters” were fully supportive. I was like sixteen and I had nothing but a script and enthusiasm and that was good enough for them.
And when you’re sixteen you aren’t smart, However, you have two things going for you! Free time and great friends. That’s all you need to start making a movie and the friendships I had with Robert Velasco, David Frisk, Victor Estrada, Peter & Wolfgang Shane, Kevin Sherwood, Kathy Padilla, The Hemenway family,The Frisk family, KELM, and Jim Clouet were my “Wonder Years.”
Our first attempt at making “Lance Amater” was on 8MM film. We started a film club and held a dance and got the famous KROQ D.J. Richard Blade to be the M.C. That’s why twenty years later, we hired Richard Blade to be the D.J. on the radio in “Gamers”.
Well, the club made a great deal of money and we got the camera donated for free by my hair-stylist who later became major of El Monte. See, cutting hair can lead to power!
I thought by just picking up the camera I was instantly “Martin Scorsese.” Yeah, like all I had to do was yell “Wonder Twin Powers” and say “form and skills of George Lucas, minus the really bad screenwriting and directing!”
My partner in filmmaking at the time was Dave Frisk and we shot a 45 minute film and after getting enough money to get the film developed, we discovered we had no sound and the camera work sucked.
It was devastating, however, after I graduated I joined the local public access station, and shot everything on video. Video allows you to rewind each take and see if that take sucks or not.
So, as most people were graduating from high school and never looking back, I spent the following year re-shooting the movie with a new cast.
I did the camera, the lighting, and the directing and then I would take it back to my mentor at the time, Jim Clouet.
And I remember sitting in a small editing room, I’m talking perhaps twice the size of a catholic confessional, editing “Lance Amater” with Jim Clouet and I use to bring him peanut M&Ms and cigarettes and he would edit my movie and yell at me for bringing him “crap footage.”
The room was full of smoke and it took years to edit that damn movie, because, he wouldn’t let me settle and he would challenge me on everything. Sure, I wanted to kill him, however, I learned more from that man than any film school.
I went on to make another movie called “The Art of Crime” with Dave Frisk and Kevin Sherwood and in 1992 I thought we were on our way. I left to go to USC and attempted to get into the film program.However, I ended up transferring to Loyola Marymount once I figured I had no shot at getting into to USC. It didn’t matter though, it wasn’t my time.
I wanted it badly, I really did. It’s hard to come from a place like El Monte and be given a chance and not immediately make something out of it. Failure sucks, however, coming from a place with no expectation and then getting a shot and failing and then having to return home, that feeling of failure can last a “lifetime.”
However, my road would be another five and a half years of corporate television for “The Home Depot” mixed in with meeting the wrong woman several times. And then the early death of my mother happened at the same time I finally met the right woman.
Shortly after, I was forced to move to Atlanta to keep my job with “The Home Depot” and after 13 months of living in Georgia my contract was up and I wanted to go back to California. I got married in San Francisco, that where the wife is from and a few years later my wife got pregnant and I switched jobs from Corporate America to the video game industry. It was awesome! My first day, I got paid to watch somebody play a video game! Christ! That was heaven until I had to make the footage into a cool trailer.
After, that it was about gaining enough experience to move to a premier video game company and having the opportunity to write, edit, and shoot a 35MM war spot and to create an animated spots for TV or for trailers that ended up on “The Incredibles” and “The Punisher” movie DVDs as bonus material.
And E3, the video games answer to the “Academy Awards” is the most intense boot camp ride in the world. It makes creating a movie in six days seems like a “cake walk.”
So after May 2005, and learning that my wife was pregnant with twin boys I had a new found motivation to take care of some unfinished business.
And all the lessons I learned from my public access days and the hours I spent making “Lancer Amater” and “The Art of Crime” with my friends and family kicked in.
Even though I wasn’t shooting in El Monte or with my original friends, I made sure “Gamers” represented that spirit.
It was made on our terms with some nice upgrades. The movie is shot on 35MM film with real actors. And thankfully by making all those smaller movies and failing, I didn’t place my family in a bad financial mess like most folks who make a movie.
So the “old school lessons” paid off and we got a real legimate shot with this film.
I’d be a liar, if I said that I didn’t want it to sell this film and make movies for the rest of my life. However, I live in the real world where I got a great day job and a family.
This movie was personal, it was more about taking the 800 pound gorilla that haunted me for over twenty years, screwing with my self-confidence, and finally kicking it’s ass.
It’s great to look people in the eye and not have to make any excuses on why I never made a movie. Now, I just smile and I sound like one of those annoying self-motivational speakers when I say “Never give up.” Twenty years is a long time to reach a goal, however, it sure beats becoming an old man with regrets.
We gave it our best shot with this movie. That’s what this movie is, our best shot for right now. It’s not the only movie in me, it won’t make or break me, it’s just my first movie and my first shot.
Thanks for reading the blog and remember to go to www.imdb.com and check out "GAMERS 2006 Message Board" for some behind-the-scenes triva and bonus blog.
|
